Dating these days can be pretty daunting, to say the least. Months, maybe even years pass before a guy takes interest in you and for one reason or another, it never seems to work out. It’s enough to make you want to throw in the towel and give up on ever finding “the one”. When you finally meet someone with potential you want to be sure you don’t jump heart first into a relationship that could leave you disappointed…again. Below are tips to help you pace yourself as you are dating and waiting to be united with that special one suitable for you.
1. Pray
Ask God to help you to date in a healthy way and to not be overcome with anxiety while waiting for the right person. See what the Bible has to say about anxiety and keep these verses in mind as you are on this journey. Here are a few verses about anxiety that have helped me when I’m feeling anxious.
1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.Proverbs 12:25
An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.Philippians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
2. Don’t plan your wedding based on a picture or a conversation.
Don’t get ahead of yourself by trying to see how his last name will sound with yours (trust me, I’m guilty of this) when all you’ve done is had a conversation or because he “liked” a few of your pictures on social media. One word…Chill! Trust me, doing this sets you up for major disappointment once you don’t hear from him for one reason or another. Focus on the reality of the situation and not on what could be if everything goes how you’re envisioning it. Too many times I’ve talked with a guy and the conversation seemed great and next thing you know he just ghosted me! How dare he! And all of the plans that I made in my head for us disappeared right along with him. Lesson learned.
3. No stalking on social media.
Ladies, as much as we love being nosey researching on social media to learn more about our potential partner, this can quickly turn into an obsession. Especially when you haven’t heard from him in a while, but you see he’s making posts on all his social media handles and very much active online. Then you’ll start to wonder why he can spend hours on social media, but he can’t be bothered to so much as shoot you a “good morning” text. So to avoid all of this foolishness and confusion, it’s just best to put your energy into something else that will benefit you instead of sending your mind into a frenzy trying to figure out what his deal is. If you can’t get on social media without “checking up” on him, it may be best to take a break from it for a while to refocus and get your mind on the right track again.
4. Be social.
Moping around the house and shutting yourself in night after night binging on Netflix or reality TV is NOT going to do anything for your social life. Yes, we would all love for our “perfect” man to show up at our door with the Chinese food we ordered from our delivery app and sweep us off of our feet. But let’s be totally honest, it ain’t gonna happen! Like my mom told me, get out there, have fun and stay busy and believe that you definitely won’t find anyone staying at home. So the next time one of your girlfriends invite you for a night out, go! You never know what the night may hold. Get dressed up and go have you some fun!
5. Find some confidence!
Every confident man loves a confident woman. When you’re confident it translates to how you carry yourself. You tend to stand taller and walk with more confidence and people tend to take note of that. Be conscious of the way you stand. Do you tend to hunch when you walk? Do you look at the ground while walking versus holding your head high? Just a few slight changes will totally change how you come off. Walk with your shoulders back and your head high, make eye contact and smile. Do this and you will see a major difference in how this effects your attitude and how people perceive you. I also find that when I’m happy with my outer appearance, I feel more confident. So use this as an excuse to get your hair and nails done every once in awhile. Like the saying goes, when you look good, you feel good.
6. Encourage Yourself with Success Stories.
At times I find myself feeling discouraged after the failure of several dating attempts. Sometimes we just need an encouraging word or an example of someone else’s success to help us keep hope alive. Some people have YouTube channels or even blogs dedicated specifically to everything that relates to dating. It has definitely been a huge encouragement for me to see and read about ordinary people who have found love despite the challenges that dating in this day and age can bring about.
7. Talk about it.
Talk to someone who you know and trust about your dating life and goals. Sometimes we just need to vent our frustrations in order get them off our chest. I find my mom easy to talk to about dating because she always roots for me and assures me that one day I will find “the one”. It also tends to end with uncontrollable laughter for one reason or another, which is always good for those depressing moments I experience from time to time (thanks, mom!).
8. Join a community of like-minded people.
It’s easy for us to fall into the trap of thinking we’re the only one in our particular situation, but believe me, there’s always someone who is either where you are or where you have been. Technology has made it much easier to connect with others so definitely take advantage of what the internet has to offer. Join forums that cater to the season that you are in and make connections with others in your situation.
9. Try Something Different.
If you’re the type of person that always does the same things all the time and never branches out, take this opportunity to switch things up and try someone new. Try taking a class at a gym that you’ve never tried before. Take to the internet and look up different events in your area. Join a group on social media and go to a meet-up between the members of the group. You’ll meet new people and get to experience a different side of life you’ve never seen before. It’s definitely worth a try!
10.Don’t be ashamed to wine and dine yourself.
Try that restaurant you’ve been eyeing for a while. Buy yourself a drink a the bar. If there’s a movie you want to see and you have no one to go with, go alone. No one can tell you’re by yourself anyway when the lights go out :). If there’s one person you can always count on, it’s you. Don’t wait for a partner to start having fun.
11. Make a new goal.
Lose those 10 pounds you’ve been trying to lose for the past 3 years. Learn a foreign language. Start that blog you’ve been on the fence about. Research things you’ve always wanted to know more about, but have never had the time to. Self-improvement builds confidence, so set your goals and CRUSH them!
Admittedly, being single can get a little lonely at times, but remember this is only a season. Use this as an opportunity to learn more about yourself and GROW. Stay focused on the positive aspects of your singleness and remember that the grass is greener where you water it!